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http://janesaid.tumblr.com/
http://janesaid.tumblr.com/
http://janesaid.tumblr.com/
http://janesaid.tumblr.com/
http://janesaid.tumblr.com/
The reason why I am transitioning from Xanga to Tumblr is because there is too much (good and bad) history here. I feel that it is time for me to grow and start over and begin onto something new and beautiful. I love and thank and appreciate everyone who has been following me. <3 Goodbye for now.
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| I've been updating a lot on Tumblr, but it doesn't cut it. I feel like I cannot write my own feelings in paragraphs without feeling insecure. I can't expose myself to my friends on Tumblr because I know most, if not all of them. And I find it more comforting to write on Xanga because I can say what I want and not have someone look at me a certain way. It is difficult to explain. Strangers are unbiased. Strangers don't know me. Maybe that is why I can open up to you. You are impartial, an outsider and I am thankful for that.
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| Thank you Xanga people. You've given a lot of thoughts and comments about my current situation. And I am grateful to find that even strangers have good intentions. For now, I am taking a hiatus. I do not know when I will be back. I just wanted to let you guys know that I appreciate you guys. <3
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| WARNING!!: this is the most raw, honest, intimate, naked entry that I have ever had the privilege of writing
Dear Heartache,
Why do you always ruin my day. I catch you on the corner of my eye, smirking at me, mocking me, ridiculing me. Why, heart, that whenever I receive a text, IM, or a call from him, I still get excited-- though it's never the good news I'm desperately looking to hear. I long for those words. When will be the day where I no long feel this? When will I know that I will finally be okay? Where are you love-- the feeling I once knew? I need you so desperately. This complicated weather only adds more to the pain and loneliness. Winter is only making me more sad. When the clouds lose color, and the temperature slowly falters, and sad songs begin to play in my head, and my mind begins to wander a little more, I wish so bad that I can make him see. Make him see everything. I wish I could make him understand and realize that he has made the worst decision of his life. How did I get to this point? Where I can't sleep until 5, 6, 7 a.m. Where I am on my couch rotting away like a vegetable. Where my days are spent aimlessly in my apartment. Where my nights are unbearable and agonizing. I still believe that there is something out there. I need to trust in something. I need something to believe. Some hope. Something. Because that will drive me forward. I need to realize that I will not be adequate. I will not be enough for him to realize, to see, to understand, to believe in us again. I need to get a fucking hold of myself.
Sincerely,
Jane's heart (or what's left of it.)
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